so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
