Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think i have two assholes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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