What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
