Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
