I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
