Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
