ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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