I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
