I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
