Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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