I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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