If that was your dad, he is hot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
