mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
