I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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