I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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