remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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