I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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