Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
