Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
