my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
