This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
