I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
