Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
