Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
