I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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