I think I died a long time ago.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
