Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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