My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not