we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT