Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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