I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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