Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
