Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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