I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
