I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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