Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
