well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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