her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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