Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
