Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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