if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
