the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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