Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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