walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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