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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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