I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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