It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
