She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
