Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
