apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
