Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
