Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is my gift to your gina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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