tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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