Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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