This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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