i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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