Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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