Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Houston, we have a squirter
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
