I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
