She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize