I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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