i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
