Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize