You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
