Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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