I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
